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manically determined

Okay I heard this recently that writers that succeed are manically determined. It must and has to be true. Haven't we all heard at conferences that many people who are better writers than us just up and quit when they can't get published? But those of us who are manically determined or hard headed keep on accepting and relishing in the abuse of red inked critiques and rejections.

Eventually we will conquer the publishing world! In our dreams. Sometimes. But we always have those dreams. No, it's not the dreams it's those freakin' stories that won't let us sleep, walk, shower, or even have our tooth filled without blogging into our heads their voices. So, we reach for that gum wrapper, Burger King napkin, electric bill return envelope, and even the palm of our hands and jot it all down before it disappears. And don't believe for a second that you will remember if you don't tattoo onto something.

How many of you have laid in bed and are so desperate for sleep and those muses/characters won't shut the @#$% up and you say to yourself "don't worry about'll remember" Hah! Like you remembered that birth control pill back in the '70's when your first child was born! Not going to happen. I don't care how many times you try to recite it into your head and even make clues to remember. Never fails. And then you cuss yourself because you know that fabulous idea/thought would have been the humongous difference in getting published and not is gone forever! No matter how hard you try to remember , it refuses to surface. It's such a tease.

And are you self-sabotaging as well? Jeez, you've got it bad. Just like me.

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    embarrassed embarrassed
Cricket Cottage back of book picture

5 Tips for a Woman

What would you do if you were president or prime minister for a day?

Saw this in a mag. Couldn't resist posting.


1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is importnat that these four men don't know each other.

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    amused amused
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Open ur ears and shut ur mouth!

Talked to a former writer bud today! And the day before. Maybe tomorrow. We have so much in common - seem to be in the same place in the complicated writer world out there. We're learning. It's taken time. A lot of time. But I'm not complaining and neither is she. We're the fortunate ones. We've grown into our positions through many errors along the way. That's the only way to get ahead.

So, take a tip from me - open your ears and shut your mouth!

Did I mention patience? It's a must! Sometimes I admit I forget this step. Yes, it's hard, but so rewarding. Better than immediate gratification. I promise.

I don't want you to think I'm there (as in published) yet. I'm not. However, some days I can feel it. Then there's those other days - where I'm sure I suck. Totally.

But I can't stop! I love it way too much!
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    anxious anxious
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The waiting game

Dear agent,
How are you? Hope everything is fine. BTW have you heard anything?       DELETE!

Dear agent,
Your pix is great! Hope all is well with you. Just wondering have you heard anything?   DELETE!

Dear agent,
You are the best! What would I ever do without you? Perhaps you've heard something.  DELETE!

Dear agent,
You do still love me don't you?                     DELETE!

Dear agent,                                                       DELETE!

Just saying...
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    hopeful hopeful
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Coming Home

Delray Beach is an awesome town. Reminds me South Beach without the crowd. And the workshop I attended there in an absolutely gorgeous home that sat on one of those canals that lead out to the intracoastal - wow! Now that's what I call Florida living at it's best! Hanging all weekend with the uniqueness of writers is always inspiring and makes for returning home kinda a bummer. Not that I don't love my home and family but to be in this magical world of the coolest of people, good food and drink (including wine at 5), and writing and writing and writing, well it's sorta like being yanked by your ankles from under a stall where your head hits the toilet and you say what the eff?

Settling. Yes, getting back in the groove and doing wash, sorting the mail, and grocery shopping does bring you down. To reality that is.

Looking forward to the next workshop! Do you not blame me?
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    blah blah
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I MUST pull this off! far I've devoted several days to my impending charitable get together. I'm going all out for this! Just 4 days till I reach the summit! My mantra: I CAN pull this off! I MUST!!!

I've cleaned the oven (for obvious reasons), scrubbed the grout on kitchen and bathroom floors (why white grout?), planted 32 lilies and 2 doz. impatients (someone has to do it),  tidied up the garage (if that's what you want to call chasing spiders from every crevice and corner), pressure washed the driveway, pool deck and house (do people actually do this for a living?)...NO, that's not all...hauled and spread 40 ten lb bags of pine bark mulch into every shrubbery bed surrounding house, and cleaned up behind the messiest man ever - my hubby! (Why can't he identify garbage?)

Am I actually still breathing? Or for that matter able to place one foot in front of the other? Advil helps. Not to mention a healing hot bath with a side of wine. But I'm seriously starting to question my preconceived physical abilities. x_x However, it does have the potential to detox your body of any access groceries you might have consumed unnecessarily.

There are still a deluge of details to take care of - the two fridges need to be corn starch fresh, my office could use some grueling reorganization, there are the phone calls to make (because people in my world have no idea what RSVP stands for...they do want nourishment, beer and wine at this get together, don't they?), and...I do need something that defines me to wear. So shopping I must go!

It's all for an irresistible cause - the Sebastian Ferrero Foundation (  SO inspiring!

BTW is an airbrushed look possible for me by Thursday?
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Beware Writers

I write this only to warn my writer buds. Beware of others. As in Friends. They may ask you about your writing but don't believe a second that they are actually interested. They're not. They're pretenders. Kind of like when someone asks - how are you? They really don't want to know. You understand. My grandmother however didn't, she would go on and on about her endless doctor visits, meds and disabling bodily functions. Like they really gave a you-know-what. So, don't bore your friends with your writing world because they just don't get it. At least mine don't.

Family is pretty much the same. They wonder what you are doing in that room of yours - probably writing your little imaginary stories - they say and smirk. Sigh. But there's always your mother! Yay! She loves that you're writing. She's your biggest fan! And, she reads what you write. Even though you know you can't really count on her to truly critique your writing it feels good to have someone say "I love it!" Thanks, Mom.

Then, there's your husband. Hmm, interesting. He's on the fence most of the time. Or either at the door waiting for you to look up and notice there is actually a real person standing in the room. Sorry, honey, I'm almost through. Just one more line you promise as you dive into the next chapter. You can't help yourself. Why doesn't he understand?

I remember when I met with my first critique group. Wow! It was like an episode in Twilight Zone. I had finally met my alien family. \_/
I wasn't the only one! There were more out there just like me! It felt so exhilerating! At last! This is exactly what I had been searching for!

Because you know, and I do too, that we can't stop. Writing. Except eyelash falls off. Gotta go!
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Note to SELF!

Thinking and wishing and hoping to write.

Why do I keep punishing myself?

Instead of sitting down and just doing it?

I keep coming up with eveything else I should be doing.

Not fair to me, Self.

Do you hear me, Self?

It's not fair.

To ME!
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    disappointed disappointed
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Miss Super Sensitve

Ok, I try very hard not to let things get to me. Like when a rude driver flicks you off for going too slow in the left lane. Jeez, the speed limit is 70.  Confession I actually drive 77 mph.  There are those other times when someone actually points out your faults. Like I didn't know that my nose is a smidge too long or my knees are slightly knocked or my big toe is over weight and on and on and shut up already!

Like I was saying I stuff that I'm-going-to-go-eat-worms feeling (compliments of Candy Brown in 1st grade) in the deepest brain pocket I can find. However, sometimes it gets too full and overflows. You know what ends up happening then - you cry. No, you bawl. Of course this has to be done in private. You certainly can't let anyone you know who thinks of you as shall we say tuff-as-toenails actually crying.

You are not Miss Super Sensitive that's that other wimpy chick that's always seeking attention for the minimalist of things. You know her as the drama queen. I know her as daughter #2! (That was just a joke, sweetie!) That is totally not you!!! You can handle anything! And you do most of the time. Until...someone you know...that you think the world of...someone you can't get off your matter how hard you try...removes your comment from their FB page.

Why me??? Where are those &%4#@ worms??? Just saying....
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    drained drained
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I was lying in bed last night thinking about my friends. The ones I hadn't heard from lately. Which is mostly all of them. Hmmm. Okay maybe I haven't tried either. It does take time and some planning anymore to just say "Hi." I know you understand.

There are friends and then there are...well....friends. Some are really just acquaintances. I guess I shouldn't refer to them as friends but we are friendly.

Then there are those that I would like to have as friends, but it never really worked out. They weren't interested and the worst thing you can do is to try to make someone want to be your friend. That's the biggest you-idiot-move one could make.

Then there are those friends that show up when you really need them. Those are the best! The keepers! The ones you would give your first born to. And sometimes gladly. (That was a joke. Hah! Hah! You are laughing, right? )

Making new friends sometimes is a challenge. Especially the older you get. It's not like you can call up and say, "Hey, you want to come over and play Barbies?" Those casual days are gone.

So, I guess what I'm saying is just call up and say "Hi" to a true friend.

And, BTW, remember there's nothing that a good bottle of wine and a flatiron can't handle!!!
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    nostalgic nostalgic